The Rowdy Goddess

An Ecstatic Vision of the Goddess, dancing in harmony with the Universe.

Archive for the tag “family”

04 Mar 2013
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I’ve Got You In My Power

polar bear hugsI’ve got you in my power” is a running family joke.  It started when my sister’s two oldest children were about three and four.  I would envelop them in a big hug and say, “I’ve got you in my power.”  They would squirm, wiggle, and whine, “I don’t want to be in your power.”  The only way to get out of my power was to give me a kiss.  One day after a visit, my niece hugged her father (my brother-in-law) and said, “I’ve got you in my power.”  To which my brother-in-law said, “I see you’ve been spending time with Aunt Gail.”  And thus another Gailism is born.

Since then (my niece and nephew are in their twenties and *gulp* early thirties), my sister has always announced, when visiting my mother, “I’ve got my mother in my power.”  And on it goes.

I had a good conversation with my mother this weekend.  She has taught me many things and most recently not to be afraid of words like cancer, psychosis, confusion, dementia, and cancer [I’m still afraid of the d-word].  She’s a strong woman and sometimes the ravages of time and chronic disease robs her of her usual acuity and abilities.  This all has its ups and downs and riding these waves is a big challenge, particularly since I live 400 miles away.

When I spoke to her I said, “I hear you have [my brother] Frank in your power.”  She answered yes and we talked of many things.  Later on, I asked, “Are you having a good visit with Frank?” She replied, “Yes, it’s always good to have someone new in my power.”  That made me feel delighted, light, and happy.  It was a good conversation to have.

Power has been written about a lot to the point where it gets tiresome.  It does seem to be a lesson that we learn over and over again.  How to use power appropriately, how to recognize when power is being abused, and how to recognize different kinds of power.  For awhile in the Pagan community, it was became a bad word.  One to shy away from.  At the same time, in shamanic terms, the practitioner journeys to non-ordinary reality to gain power.  The key is how you use the power.  If you use it for good and not for ill, or if you use it for the good of your community or others, then the accumulation and use of power is a good one.  If you use power for your own advancement to the detriment of other beings, well then the use of power is a poor one.   I believe power is another word to not fear.

When looking at power and how we gain it and use it, we must use discernment.  I think we need to see what lens we are using to look at power.  Are you looking through the lens of love?  Revenge?  Entitlement?  The way you look at power is important.  If we fear it and shy away from it, then power becomes something bad.

Look at it like a hug.  Hugging is a communication between two beings.  Are you expressing love, can each of you move out of the hug as you need or wish to.  Or is the hug a vise holding you close in ways you do not wish.  If you hug with open arms and allow everyone the choice of leaving or staying, then “I’ve got you in my power,” is a phrase of love, affection, family, and community.

Posted in Family, power, shamanism and tagged , , , , ,
22 Feb 2013
1 Comment

Finding Warmth in the Cold Times

Tiptoe through the snowflakes

We are closing in on the end of February, and we can look forward to the month that “comes in like a lion.”  It’s still cold in Central New York and there’s snow on the ground.  The forecast predicts unpleasant weather for the weekend.  That is unless you are a snow bunny, snow sports person or some similar aficionado.  Last night, a whole bunch of snowmobilers came through our area around midnight disturbing my cold-driven sleep.  It was cranky-making after a day of sneezing and muzzy headedness.

For some of us, winter makes us cranky, depressed, and out of sorts.  Normally, I ‘make do’ and find things to do–quilting with bright colors, reading lighthearted books, and watching British murder mysteries on DVD or television.  Because I’ve had the first cold in years, I’m a little more cantankerous.

I do believe there is a release in giving voice to your cranky side.  Just as I believe that in difficult times, it is important to give voice and respect your anger, grief, sorrow, and despair.  It’s also important not to dwell there.  Living in a pool of rage is exhausting and more than a little icky.  The ick clings to you and repels others who might comfort you; and will also make you dismiss the kindness of friends and strangers.  It’s difficult find gratitude in these times.  I advocate giving yourself enough mileage so you can have some hindsight.  In hindsight, you may be grateful for the losses, the setbacks, and the tribulations because it has made you stronger and better.  In the middle of it, you just need to muddle through, work it out, and find new purchase as you climb this new cliff.

It’s a balancing act between honesty and healing, I believe.  You can’t heal dishonestly.  It just doesn’t work.  Mostly dishonest healing is about stuffing the emotions down without working through them.  That stuffing compacts upon itself and somehow continues to expand and intrude in your life.  It will come out in weird ways and eventually, you will need to clean up the mess.

There’s a health issue in my family now.  I am not grateful for this situation.  I am grateful for the past, the strength, the joy and the beauty.  I am working through sorrow, regret, guilt, anxiety, and depression.  I must live through this situation and already I can see many points of beauty and gratitude.  It’s just not the time to feel it.  There’s joy and delight in other situations and that’s my comfort and I’m very grateful for that.

I didn’t intend to talk about this even if it is somewhat vague so the picture doesn’t quite fit.  Except that I think it’s funny and delightful.  What happy women, dancing and playing in the snow.

Posted in Family and tagged , , , ,
13 Feb 2013
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Using My Powers For Good….and not for Evil!

As I’ve mentioned before, I have some expressions that my Source of image: http://annetaintor.com/ friends have dubbed Gailisms.  For the most part, most of these expressions have a story behind it or it is really an expression used by my family.  I love stories.  I love to tell them and I love to hear them.  A good portion of my family are storyteller — telling stories about each other and on each other.  To me, geneology is boring a sort of family organizational chart.  What I love are the pictures and stories.  In my family, when we show each other a photo or a drawing made by one of us, we know a story is going to be told.  This habit and method of communication extends to my family of choice as well.  In this way, we create community or tribe.

Many years ago, my youngest brother was telling me about three incidents that involved his thinking bad thoughts and having them come true.  I don’t remember the incidents exactly anymore but it involved things like, “you’re going to get hurt doing that,” and then the other person gets hurt.  He was talking to me on the phone about these situations and I quipped, “You should use your powers for good and not for evil.”  From that point on, if he was nervous about something, he’d email me or say, “Use your powers,” or “I’m using my powers.”  Then my sister picked it up and it became a family expression.

The use of this expression has extended to my work.  We are holding a raffle fundraiser for our social committee in celebration of Valentine’s day.  The prize is a basket of wine and chocoloate.  When a young coworker came in to buy his tickets, he said he’d better win.

I said, “Too late, I’m using my powers.”

And he said, “Are you using your powers against me?”

“No I’m using my powers for MY good.”

Obviously the application of this statement has infinite variety and opportunity for cleverness (at least in my mind).

This was around the time I went from a solitary to a Pagan active in a community and this quip took on new power.  As Wiccans and Pagans, we believe we do have the ability to create change by bending our thoughts and will to the change we want or need.  We also try to use our abilities (powers) in harmony with the Universe.  When our actions follow the trail of our mind and the Universe, we create magical change.  Then, for me, the quip, “using my powers for good and not for evil,” took on a more textured meaning.  It acknowledges that we, as humans, do have the power to effect our lives and the world around us, and that we need to act responsibly and  with gratitude and compassion.

I’ve also quipped that you can tell when it’s going to be a bad movie if the characters over-pronounce certain words:  Goddess becomes gawDESS and evil becomes eeeeeeevvvvvvilllllllllle (long, very long e).

So when using your powers, know that it is prounounced EEEEEEVILLLLLLLLE.

Posted in Family, Magic, Wicca and tagged , , , ,
30 Jan 2013

Welcome to the Never Live It Down Club

Welcome to the Never Live it Down Clubhouse
Source of the photo: http://www.greendump.net/

Families remember a lot about you. Sometimes even when you change, they remember and remind you of how you used to be. Like so many things, it’s a blessing and a curse. Depending on the emotions behind it, you land in the realms of forever guilty or in a land of warmth, laughter, and remembrance. It’s a fine line to walk, reliving these memories. Longtime friends can also be also create this living legacy of memories, joking nudges, and memories.   This whole thing can be fun and funny or sometimes just plain annoying.

Since I’m the oldest sister, I am the custodian of a lot of sibling and family memories.  Well, I’ve also been a memory-maker to the point where I believe I’m in the Never Live It Down Club Hall of Fame.  When I was nine or ten, I was in my grandmother’s front room (a place where children were not allowed to go without an adult) and I picked up a jar to look at, a forbidden activity.  The lid fell off and broke a little blue glass basket.  I felt really bad.  I don’t remember being punished but probably my remorse is punishment enough, memorywise.

When my grandmother returned, she fussed as only she can fuss.  Apparently the thing I picked up was cheap and what I broke was a collectible.  Luckily (not) she had two of them.   Later, in my thirties, I was at my grandmother’s visiting and an interesting incident occurred.  My grandmother was confined to her chair because of an injury and she was directing my aunt in rearranging something when my aunt knocked something over.  My grandmother fussed at her and we were all relieved it wasn’t broken.  “Don’t worry,” I said, “I broke a valuable collectible when I was 10.  You can’t top that.”  My aunt, still only recently married into the family, said, “I know.”

That’s when I knew that I was in the Never Live It Down Club.  The funny thing is that when my grandmother died and her stuff was divided up, my mother, her daughter, made sure that duplicate of the broken item came to me.  It is a treasured trophy of my club.

Of course as an older sister, I have stories.  Recently, I was visiting my mother and sharing some of the stories.  My mother’s memory isn’t as strong as it once was.  I was relating one story about my sister and she said, “I hope you’re writing all these down; some of them I haven’t heard.”  Perhaps I will.  I just like reminding people.  It’s my duty as the President and Hall of Famer of the Never Live It Down Club.

I am relating stories with love and affection and perhaps a little bit of “gotcha.”  I realize many memories that don’t get forgotten cause pain, sorrow, and guilt.  I can only hope that time and love will help assuage them.  In my world, the Never Live It Down Club is only for happy memories.  The other ones are ones we need to let go and transform into something better.

 

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