We are closing in on the end of February, and we can look forward to the month that “comes in like a lion.” It’s still cold in Central New York and there’s snow on the ground. The forecast predicts unpleasant weather for the weekend. That is unless you are a snow bunny, snow sports person or some similar aficionado. Last night, a whole bunch of snowmobilers came through our area around midnight disturbing my cold-driven sleep. It was cranky-making after a day of sneezing and muzzy headedness.
For some of us, winter makes us cranky, depressed, and out of sorts. Normally, I ‘make do’ and find things to do–quilting with bright colors, reading lighthearted books, and watching British murder mysteries on DVD or television. Because I’ve had the first cold in years, I’m a little more cantankerous.
I do believe there is a release in giving voice to your cranky side. Just as I believe that in difficult times, it is important to give voice and respect your anger, grief, sorrow, and despair. It’s also important not to dwell there. Living in a pool of rage is exhausting and more than a little icky. The ick clings to you and repels others who might comfort you; and will also make you dismiss the kindness of friends and strangers. It’s difficult find gratitude in these times. I advocate giving yourself enough mileage so you can have some hindsight. In hindsight, you may be grateful for the losses, the setbacks, and the tribulations because it has made you stronger and better. In the middle of it, you just need to muddle through, work it out, and find new purchase as you climb this new cliff.
It’s a balancing act between honesty and healing, I believe. You can’t heal dishonestly. It just doesn’t work. Mostly dishonest healing is about stuffing the emotions down without working through them. That stuffing compacts upon itself and somehow continues to expand and intrude in your life. It will come out in weird ways and eventually, you will need to clean up the mess.
There’s a health issue in my family now. I am not grateful for this situation. I am grateful for the past, the strength, the joy and the beauty. I am working through sorrow, regret, guilt, anxiety, and depression. I must live through this situation and already I can see many points of beauty and gratitude. It’s just not the time to feel it. There’s joy and delight in other situations and that’s my comfort and I’m very grateful for that.
I didn’t intend to talk about this even if it is somewhat vague so the picture doesn’t quite fit. Except that I think it’s funny and delightful. What happy women, dancing and playing in the snow.