The Rowdy Goddess

An Ecstatic Vision of the Goddess, dancing in harmony with the Universe.

Archive for the category “Death”

31 Jan 2013
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Blessings, bright and Dark

Bright Blessings is a signature, greeting, and sign-off frequently used by pagans and Wiccans.  It’s a lovely way to send good wishes and blessings to readers, listeners, friends, and strangers.  Several years ago, I started signing my posts with “Blessings, bright and Dark,” in acknowledgement that the bright/light and the dark are all part of the one, each providing definition and understanding to the other.  In my way of thinking, the light reveals while the dark illuminates.  The light relentlessly demands our understanding of the facts and information while the dark asks that we reflect and deepen our understdark and light heronanding.  Realizing wisdom from the light is, perhaps, easier; while in the dark, you have to delve into the realm of the hidden.

In the dark, we have to soften our focus, lose our reliance on our sense of sight and learn to trust other senses outside the five.  Our intuition, perception and ability to guess (intuit) are senses we need to use.  In both the light and the dark we need to be strong and courageous in seeking wisdom and magic.  To me, the dark and the dark moon are paths to explore and it takes awhile to understand the nuance and texture of the dark.  It is not something to fear, even though we are taught that the dark is evil.

One of the High Priestesses of my acquaintance talked about the dark blessings.  Through difficult times, we become better, stronger, more sure of ourselves and more divine.  Lately, a number of us in my circle have been confronted with issues of aging, chronic pain, death, and disability.  For myself, I’ve learned not to fear words like stroke, surgery, cancer, and pain.  At this point, it was family member(s) and not me and I found the suffering of a bystander and loving person to have its own unique pain.  In addition to learning courage, I found humor, more love, and unexpected gifts and new stories to be told.  These blessings are not like winning the lottery to be greeted with unalloyed joy and exuberance, these dark blessings are ones that make our wounds and pains to be a thing of beauty and survival.  It’s a “gee thanks, I think,” kind of blessing.  Actually, it’s deeper and more profound than that.

Years ago, a former lover died suddenly and unexpectedly.  It was a tumultuous and difficult relationship so the grief was tempered with guilt, and anger.  The cantor who gave the eulogy said some beautiful things that touched me to my very soul.  I cannot remember all the words exactly but it went something like this:  It is not fair to lose someone from your life like this.  You will be different now.  You will be harder, and you will be softer; you will be uncertain and you will be more certain; you will be more negative and you will be more positive.  I made those words up from the well of wordless comfort she gave me.  What is says is that this touches you in such a way that you cannot help but be changed.  It will make you have a different texture.  Your understanding of yourself and life will be changed.  Such it is when the dark touches you and invites you into its realm.

To me, that is the call of the Dark Moon path.  To go into that realm of illumination and to be changed, to emerge different.  To face the darkness, the shadows and the hidden is to go courageously into that which frightens us, freaks us out and makes us more whole.

The dark and the light is a continuum not an opposition.  As Kallan Kennedy writes on The Secret Life of the American Working Witch, this misinterpretation of darkness and light has caused a sort of one-dimensional thinking.

Go bravely wherever you go

Into the dark or into the light

Learn from the bright blessed day

And the dark sacred night.

And everyday and in every way

You change, transform and make your mark

To you, blessings, bright and Dark.

Posted in Dark, Death, Light and tagged , , ,
09 Nov 2009
3 Comments

Bob the Dog

I’ve written a lot about my dogs over the years, here in this blog and in my books. Now they’ve both passed into the Summerlands and it feels funny to write things without them.

This is a tribute to Bob the Dog, pictured here at age 13, peacefully dreaming. He lived another year. Bob was a very enthusiastic and loving dog, embodying what I often called “Joie de Bobbie,” since he loved life.
I also called him the High Hopes Dog and often hummed the high hopes song. One time, the man who co-owned the dogs with me took them out running. On their way home, they met one of my neighbors who was carrying the deer he had gotten. The neighbor put the deer down and started chatting. Then he started laughing. Both men turned around and saw Bob trying to tug the deer carcass away! Always hopeful, nothing was too large for Bob to overcome.

Bob was also very into the energy of the pagan circle. Several times, he made his way into the circle. Once when the sacred masculine energy was invoked, Bob came into circle, plopped himself in the middle and started liking his private parts. That cracked us up and was so fitting to the ritual. Once he came into the center as the priestess was leading the circle in a meditation on the birth of the Sun King. “You are my Sun King” is another one of his theme songs.

Even at his most feeble and tired, Bob greeted us with a wagging tale and a bright eye. Mike and I were both with him when he passed. It was the day after our wedding and we were talking and he was in the center of our circle when we realized that he was passing. I stroked him as he struggled with his last breaths. Finally his poor old heart gave out and he exhaled. I could feel his spirit romp to the next life, with wagging tale and supple body. He’s still here in my heart. I miss him very much and he graced my life with many stories and a lot of joy.

His death was smelly and messy and Mike and I were there to take care of it. Since he died at home, we decided to take his remains for cremation the next day. As we were driving, I rolled down the window telling Mike the smell was overpowering. Then we both laughed. Bob had a way of keeping us intensely present and engaged in all of his actions, basic and sublime.

He runs with the Goddess, Lady Artemis who protected him and loved him all his life. I am grateful to Her for all the critter blessings.
Bob the Dog 1995-2009 was a wonderful companion, pal, and guy.
Fare-thee-well till we meet again.

Posted in Death, dogs, Pets and tagged , , ,
26 Oct 2009
3 Comments

Ya Did It Right the First Time!


I like to think that I’m not a perfectionist but I do like to be thorough and meet certain standards set by me. That does mean that I like to research and do things thoroughly in the matters of spiritual learning. Sometimes living la vida Wicca, or living in the moment, presents you with different circumstances.

At our tradition’s annual retreat, we had the wonderful teacher, Christopher Penczak shared his knowledge with us. In the course of his teaching and not particularly central to the theme, he commented that Hekate held the keys to the gateway to journeying between the worlds. Her crossroads are pathways to many dimensions and realities. During one of the meditations, Hekate came to me and gave me a key, saying that I would know what it was for when the time came.
It was striking and kind of tangential to the weekend and I set an intention to do some journeywork on this subject and to talk with Hekate. Somehow, I didn’t get around to it, though the intention remained. I thought I had plenty of time.
At the time, we were living with two very elderly and very dear dogs in declining health as well as planning our wedding for the end of September. I’ve written a lot about Congo and Bob and they are important and special; they’ve always lived their lives dedicated into the care of Lady Artemis. During the Labor Day weekend, Congo had an alarming episode and her decline became sharp. By Tuesday, she had stopped eating and drinking. We took her to the vet and he outlined her options. For a 15 year old dog, terrified of vets, these options weren’t happy ones. Mike and I talked over these options and decided to bid her fare-thee-well.
As we talked it over with her, I talked to her about the care by Lady Artemis (whom I thank most gratefully for these long lived dogs), Hekate whispered in my ear, “I will take your little black dog for as she is special to you, she is special to me.” And so in the hands of a compassionate vet and vet tech, Mike and I held her and petted her as Congo slowly faded from this plane of existence.
As I was driving home, I realized that I knew what the key was for. Under the beautiful blue skies of central NY, I opened the gateway and watched her wag her tail and run gracefully into the arms of Hekate. Congo, glorious and beautifully fit, runs with Hekate. Blessed be my girly-girl and fare-thee-well till we meet again.
And yes, the lesson is that we get the tools and we use them. There is no reset button, no do-over, and no chance to learn it deeper or better because ‘ya did it right the first [and only] time.
Posted in Death, dogs, Pets and tagged , , ,
19 Feb 2009
1 Comment

Friendships, Transitions, and the Death Card


I’ve been thinking about transitions and friendships lately. On three occasions, recently, a name or a picture of someone who was a good friend in the past has popped into my life. I was recalling with some fondness and nostalgia my memories of this person, this person, and that person as their name or picture popped up.

I remembered, though without any force, the pain I had experienced when they left my life. The transition and change was rugged, sorrowful, and full of anger in some of these cases. In one case, I had changed in way unacceptable to my then friend and so the relationship was ended. In another case, the person had to make a transition of her own and did not carry our friendship forward into this new life of hers, and the other was a misunderstanding that on the surface was minor but was really an indicator of a dying friendship. In a couple of cases, there was a modicum of betrayal or desertion felt by me and in another, an acceptance of what was to be.
It made me think of the Death card. In this 21st century, we read the death card as transformation and change rather than the death of the body, though when I read it that way, I hear Rachel Pollack’s voice say that sometimes death is about death. In these three cases, it is about death. At one point, I had become a different person and the person that was a good friend to my friend, died in her eyes. She couldn’t accept my transition. In another case, my friend was changing and she couldn’t envision her life with our friendship viable within it. And in the other, the period of denial and bargaining was over and the death of a friendship was accepted.
None of these were easy. Inevitably, transformation means that something will not make it through to the new life or vision. Transformation means that what was before no longer exists. Sometimes it means death. So I look back at the past and even the recent past to think I’m content with who I am. In some cases I do miss what was and in others I do not. The pain and anger is gone and the sweet memories remain.
And is that not the lesson of Death in all its manifestations?
Posted in Death, Tarot and tagged , ,

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